Touch Base

I have not visited this blog for quite awhile.
After my 50th birthday last year the world has knocked me down off my feet. 
My mom died after a 5 month coma and on the same day my mom passed away I was in hospital having blood transfusion because of anaemia.  I did not realise that the feeling of extreme fatigue and just plain 'I cannot be bothered' were due to anaemia.  I was literally a walking time bomb. Tests and scans showed in the following months that I have 2 big fibroids which caused my heavy monthlies and therefore my anaemia.  My gynaecologist suggested a total abdominal hysterectomy which I consented.  I had the procedure in February and after 3 months recuperation I am back to work now.  I will write about all these upheavals in different blogs. 

I am OK to go back to work but I know I am not fully 100% healthy. I have a urologist appointment next month (May) to investigate possible bladder inflammation.  I am concerned but I have to learn to live one day at time.  To trust in God's plan for me. 

Lists

I will be 50 soon and I do not have philosophical thoughts and pseudo misplaced quotes in PowerPoint.

I do want to make a list because I am obsessed with lists.  So here are some things I want to do after 50.  Completing them before I reach 50 is clearly unrealistic.

1         Bake and decorate an elaborate cake

2         Bake and only eat my own bread (the first one yes and the second bit unrealistic!)

3         Cook kare kare without the help of Rita.

4         Grow a garden/develop a garden? I mean I should grow plants flowers tree or a bush whatever.

5         Read War and Peace

6         Read all the books of a favourite author.(not using my Kindle but the hard copy)

7         Drive to work and back home on my own.

8         Park car confidently.(after doing number 7)

9         Learn how to swim (my float does not count)

10     Run a marathon (what Da!)

11     Not to wear jeans/trousers for a month (dresses are straightforward no fuss no hassle)

12     Visit London and be a tourist for the weekend.

13     Complete the cross stitch I have started in 1999.

14     Get a Masters and a PhD Degree (NO B****Y WAY)

 

I will try to give you updates but do not hold your breath.

PS Picture taken when I was 40ish and when I thought burnish copper hair suited me.

Three positives

1. My mother's 79 birthday today! Hurrah!
2. The Walking Dead is back on telly although I am so nearly there to quit watching this tv show!!
And ---- drum roll
3.  Our shower is finally installed and it is working - More Hurrah!!

All these will Pass

Do I have a messy hair or a messy head?  Just so many things going on and sometimes I feel there is no end to all these.

Worn out and weary. Like Really.

Nosey in a Noiseless Neighbourhood

We have moved and the whole street is so hushed and noiseless and that is weird.  From a busy front street where police sirens wail all day and gaggle of children shriek nearby and neighbour's friends cars honking and cars screeching in the back yard this quietness is a treat!  I feel that every time I speak the whole cul de sac is listening.

During the holidays my new past time was being nosey.  I learned that the Anderson's go out everyday at 9.00 am; the taxi driver neighbour (seemed) did not do any taxiing at all; T goes to work at 8.30 like clockwork and her husband takes the wolfie dog for walks.  Mr and Mr A have three cars and only use two.  And D's cat goes visiting.  An orange cat comes out from one of the houses and these two cats disappear together.

I loved doing these 'observation' while having my green tea in the front room.  I have to say I preferred coffee but I still need to dig out my coffee maker from one of the brown boxes upstairs.  So a green tea bag is easier.

I wonder how many of my neighbours had also been observing me. 

Goodbye and Hello

Dennis and I  embrace 2016 with open hearts and with excitement and gratefulness and full of thanksgiving for all the highs and very highs and lows and very lows of 2015.

The year was a challenge. 
The year tested our faith.
The year made us see our raw selves thrown into stress, anxiety and misery.
The year made us drag ourselves from weariness and defeat.

We have scars and we have stories and tell and we move on.
The progress may be slow but we will move on.

Ramblings of a Barren Brain

I really want to write something here but I draw a blank a complete blank.

This is scary because I thought I could write... well I did and when work, housework, television, facebook and Life took over I begin to feel that I reach a dead end.

My last entry was in June and July was a good month.  Dennis had his 66 birthday and we took friends out for a Pub meal.  We like this local Pub called The Moorings and I think we had changed our mind after the meal.  We waited for almost two hours for our food to arrive.  Okay there was a wedding reception but they could have at least apologised.  To be fair the food was delicious - I can still hear the crunch of my pork crackling.

Then my Mother in Law had a bad turn in August.  She had a water infection and because of her age this has had a bad effect on her.  She was aggessive, confuse and mildly demented.  We were able to place her in a respite home for 10 days.  Dennis and I felt traumatised with the experience.  We did not know what to do.  Our stress levels have reached the highest point.  We are thankful that the incident happened and the wheels are in motion now to assess her and monitor her if there was an onset of early dementia.

I am here to support Dennis and we are on the agreement that we go with the flow.  We surrender Mother in Law to God; we acknowledge our helplessness and we let His will be done on her.  We now stop attempting to force things to happen. This sounds so easy to do but we are struggling.

With all these happening around Dennis and I still find time to meet up for lunch dates.  We were blessed with a very good summer so we had been lunching at a Garden Centre near where I work.  The place has summer umbrellas put up with tropical palm trees dotting around the perimeter.  The setting feels very Mediterranean.

Zen is another place we go too for meals after work.  It is a Thai restaurant the serves the most beautiful Pad Thai and Suki Yaki and the very comforting Thai Soup ever.  I cannot remember the name now but I could have that barrell of soup every week.

I took 4 days Annual Holiday in September and we have had 3 wonderful glorious days in the Lakes.  We love the Lakes.  We would buy a house in the Lakes if we have the money and because we do not have that much money so we just booked ourselves in this organic hotel called Mossgrove in the Village of Grasmere.  Dennis and I are not walkers and definitely not climbers.  We go to the Lakes a) to relax b) to find the best restaurant and c) and to read.  We did all that!

Then back to work of course.  I like my work.  I still do. Although at the moment there is a feeling of uncertainty with staff leaving and new staff coming in.  There is another re structuring looming and this makes me feel a little bit uneasy.  I know it is only work but I spend 7 hours at work I would like to feel happy and satisfied in those 7 hours.

October came - my birthday month.  I took friends to Crook Hall and Gardens for afternoon tea.  I had a great time.  Though there was some mixed up to my booking - which I would like to stress - not my fault ...everything went well. 
Unfortunately a day after my birthday my Mother in Law had another bad infection.  Her agressiveness was worse this time.  Psychiatric doctors were ready to section her but after a weekend of interviews and assessment she was declared fit to be kept in her own home.  I feel for Dennis he was very distraught.  I worry now that the condition of Mother in Law will take its toll on Dennis.

We are now in the last week of October.  The weather is still very mild.  The trees are almost bare and the ground is covered with leaves.  The clock has moved back an hour and as I look outside it very dark at 4.30 pm.